there’s so many things i desire and regret. having installments and bills and credits makes it difficult to pack my bags and go. i need to find a way to get rid of liabilities, sit down, take some paper and raspberry pen and start writing a book on nothingness. or maybe, i could bring these pieces of paper with me as i swim across the continents. maybe someday i’ll stop living irrationally or perhaps i’ll be writing my experiences alongside with a natgeo journalist while munching on nann, still holding on to the same pieces of paper and raspberry pen. 

i’ll bring my ukulele just in case i run out of ideas. that should do it.

i refuse to believe that life is terrible, cold, hard and one that is weighed of hatred and disgust. it’s never easy and we often have to make choices and deal with consequences. but no matter how hard it gets at home and no matter how this place feels nothing but a sleeping hut, i will let grace triumph and move on with it. i will sit by the tree and be patient about good arriving. life is confusing sometimes. 

I got up this morning and I cried. I cried with all my might out , all my soul, my insides. I cried because I thought after meeting someone new, things will finally turn out right. But no, things continue to go downhill like a double whammy. My heart cannot feel, it feels no passion nor love, it aches and its folded with its sides sticking out. I need to get out of this state of mulling. There must be a way. There should be a way to do this. 

you love you learn

you cry you learn 

you lose you learn

i’ll wrap my legs over yours and in return would you carry my heart in your hand? 

to infinity and beyond 

sometimes i like to hide behind my words. or a stringed instrument. 

sometimes all i really want to do is to hide. 

the best has yet to come. i just know it. 

a few months back a friend gave me an anatomical heart and have me to keep it in a jar. i told her i was not ready to love , i was afraid , hesitant, weary and guilty. hence she said to put it away and take it out to use it again when i’m ready. everything in the jar was safe. i didnt need to care, didnt need to feel, didnt need to express any concern for anyone. even if i did it wouldnt be genuine. i woke up everyday thinking of a certain someone. i thought about the ache and pain, thought about love, thought about journeys and unaccomplished adventures. someone told me that it is only love if you have gone true heaven and hell with the person. i thought about that and agreed with it. then i thought about it again and felt that we dont need to go through hell to know that it’s love.  you kinda find love at the most unexpected occasion. and if you find love at such places, you can tuck your jar back to the shelf until the next unexpected thing comes along 

sometimes the love you want you never get

and when you get love  

you go to sleep in emptiness. 

you question, you make choices, you resonate with the Gods

then you awake in realm.

you go back to sleep  

and dream. and

yearn for love,

to carry it

when we sleep, when we awake, 

in our hands, between our toes.

it works like a spell; 

it spins, it aches, it bleeds, it craves 

sometimes we wait for love 

it never comes

sometimes we stop waiting 

and love presents itself to you 

in its strangest form. 

sometimes we need to stop 

questioning 

and 

start

bracing 

melindo64:

(Source: scratchingcolours, via lazylinepainterjayne)