there’s so many things i desire and regret. having installments and bills and credits makes it difficult to pack my bags and go. i need to find a way to get rid of liabilities, sit down, take some paper and raspberry pen and start writing a book on nothingness. or maybe, i could bring these pieces of paper with me as i swim across the continents. maybe someday i’ll stop living irrationally or perhaps i’ll be writing my experiences alongside with a natgeo journalist while munching on nann, still holding on to the same pieces of paper and raspberry pen.
i’ll bring my ukulele just in case i run out of ideas. that should do it.
i refuse to believe that life is terrible, cold, hard and one that is weighed of hatred and disgust. it’s never easy and we often have to make choices and deal with consequences. but no matter how hard it gets at home and no matter how this place feels nothing but a sleeping hut, i will let grace triumph and move on with it. i will sit by the tree and be patient about good arriving. life is confusing sometimes.
I got up this morning and I cried. I cried with all my might out , all my soul, my insides. I cried because I thought after meeting someone new, things will finally turn out right. But no, things continue to go downhill like a double whammy. My heart cannot feel, it feels no passion nor love, it aches and its folded with its sides sticking out. I need to get out of this state of mulling. There must be a way. There should be a way to do this.